Part 1
Beware the Quiet Ones
Part 2 The Bigger Picture
The person I considered my best friend threw a tantrum when I told her “no”. Stepping back to see the bigger picture, this wasn’t the first tantrum she had when I told her NO.
We had initially met late last summer when I signed up for a class. She was the coordinator for it. That is her job, these evening classes. For many personal reasons my family and I decided we could no longer take these classes. I told her. She didn’t take it well. That was the first BIG tantrum from her. She started to try to use the same exact guilt my abusive mother used on me to get what she wanted. I quite nearly stopped talking to her then. And after finding out some choices she made from my quitting class I would have. I am not a pet to be scolded for not pooping on the papers like she wanted.
Their parenting choices, well, there weren’t any. The oldest child (the one with ADD) was enrolled in a private school. She pulled him out because they “weren’t doing their job”. They “said they would accommodate students with ADD” but according to her they weren’t. That’s because she wanted them to make sure he took his homework home. She wanted them to make sure that he did his work period. She considered that was the school’s job not hers.
The first time I was over to their house the wife told me that her children lie all the time. She had the attitude that it was matter of fact and nothing she could do about it. Truth was she didn’t want to be bothered to fix it. Their children’s toys are a free for all through out the house. I could easily compare it to communism.
The youngest daughter, who had just turned 4, had an incident where she yelled at one of my daughters. The wife did NOTHING. I’m standing there trying to parent my child so she can learn to get along with others when they disagree. I couldn’t do anything. She often gave me these vague, “Well, this is what they do at her school.” answers. I was defenseless; I could do nothing to help my daughter. I should have left then. She also locks her daughter in her room at night so she doesn’t have to get up with her in the morning. I tried to see it as “everyone parents differently”, but this makes me sick to my stomach. I fear greatly if there ever is a fire in that house. She will die and they won’t even understand that it’s their fault.
The middle boy is severely OCD, but they have chalked him up as the good one because they never have to deal with him. If this boy doesn’t do his homework precisely at 3 pm his whole world just about falls apart.
The oldest boy is extremely religious. He believes highly in the Ten Commandments and is bothered that soldiers kill. He’s gives me the impression that he thinks they are going to Hell. And as my daughter pointed out, why does he play all those video games where he kills people? Good question. And why does he usually play the bad guys?
The wife had told me how once a year her husband takes the children away so she can have some time to herself. I know my family makes me nuts sometimes, but who the heck demands vacation time? This last year she did not get it. So right before Christmas she had a tantrum at her husband so he ended up leaving Christmas day with out her to visit his family. That is really mature at 37 years old.
The husband and the two boys went with my husband to a gun show. As they were leaving the oldest boy pulled something out of his pocket and a bullet fell out. And then he tried to blame it on his brother. When I found this out, I was livid. This is lying and stealing! My husband was willing to give him a small benefit of a doubt, that maybe he just thought the bullet was cool.
The Friday before my youngest daughter’s birthday she invited us over for an ice cream party. As we get in the car I hear her daughter cough. I looked back and she said, “Oh, it’s just allergies”. That was no allergy cough. They came over two days later to our house for my daughter’s birthday. I had some friends over I wanted them to meet. I was mortified by their family’s behavior. From the wife’s comments about “spread the wealth around” to their children running full speed through my house and they could have cared less IF they had taken the time to notice. The youngest daughter threw food on the floor. The middle boy only wanted cool whip for dessert. (I worked hard on the home made strawberry shortcake!) Needless to say I was quite grumpy for quite some time over this. At first I thought it was just that “time of the month”. But when I was still angry weeks later and I had spent Mother’s day sick (another holiday spent sick having caught it from them). I started to wonder what the problem was that we were having with them. I stressed for a month, nightmares and all, on how to find a nice way to ask them not to come around when they are sick.
My husband and I thought they were worth fighting for to keep as friends. That maybe there was a way we could work out our differences. We were fools, plain and simple.
I had asked her for some time apart, at least until after our vacation. That’s what set off her second tantrum. I typed out a letter after her snotty text. I needed to vent. I was not planning on sending it. My husband read it and although it was blunt (like this article), he did agree that these were problems for us.
The first time the wife and I fought, if we had been in the same room it might have come to blows. I thought I had emotional problems because of the abuse from my mother and other “friends” since then. I’ve been accused many times that I’m being “over sensitive”. Ah, how those progressives in society love to play their word games. My husband and hers thought it would be better if they talked so as to keep us from fighting worse. She was “worried” that she didn’t know what she would say that could make me mad. She “felt” like she was walking on eggshells with me. (Note to self, read that part again in Atlas Shrugs where they discuss thinking and feeling.) We were avoiding them until after vacation because we didn’t want to get sick again. And this was important to us, it was our first family vacation. My husband had ended up sending the letter I typed to the husband to let him know why I was so upset. They were going to meet after our vacation.
Well vacation came and went. We were exhausted and I avoided Facebook for the first couple of days because I didn’t want her pestering me. (I know, I should have realized these aren’t things that happen in a real friendship.) I eventually went on so I could post stuff for my blog. All the sudden she’s blocked us from Facebook. We had no idea why. Now according to the husband, his wife read his e-mail when she saw that we were back from vacation and hadn’t talked to her yet. She wasn’t happy with what she found. Truth hurts for some people.
So my husband meets with her husband. They have a nice lunch chat. This guy just doesn’t get it. We tell him that we had a problem with his son lying about stealing the bullet. His answer implies that it’s no big deal. WHAT?! Your child is stealing bullets and you’re doing nothing to correct it? Bullets are the part that kill. Children who aren’t taught that are the ones to pick up a real gun and think it is okay to play with. I can’t be friends with anyone that thinks this is okay. I can’t be friends with someone who is going to keep getting my family sick because they think they’re not. There is no common ground at that point.
And low and behold. They didn’t realize the friendship was over. I still don’t think they’ve figured it out. The husband has written my husband. The wife wrote my husband. And then she sent me a text. I have lost any respect I thought I had for these people. I love their children and worry about their future.
Now, did you notice how I’ve hardly mentioned the husband? That’s because he’s the quiet one.
Part 3
The Quiet One
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