Part 1
Beware the Quiet Ones
Part 2
The Bigger Picture
Part 3
The husband is a college graduated physicist, self-proclaimed hypochondriac, mama’s boy in his late 30s as well. And the thing I hold against him the most, he was born and raised in California, and not in a good way.
As I had been growing close to this family it reminded me of those happy feelings from my childhood. That should have been a warning sign. I had managed to make my childhood feel happy even though I was being emotionally abused. I kept seeing the same personality characteristics in the wife that I had seen in myself. I realize now those characteristics in me were the results of the abuse.
The husband constantly talked about his wife’s “low self esteem”. None of us could figure out what was causing it. There were a couple of things she had mentioned to me from her childhood, but they didn’t fit as the cause.
I think the wife is a smart woman, making some stupid choices. She would constantly come across as though she didn’t feel she was smart enough to teach the class she was running. She didn’t feel she was smart enough to deal with her children’s behavior problems and had seriously thought about shipping the oldest son off to live with his grandmother. There were very few times she would speak with any passion on any topic. I came to notice when she did speak with a passion on any subject it was something she had been taught to believe. She was parroting. Polly, want a cracker? Yes, crackers are good.
The husband constantly let us know how smart he is. I went to college to be a physicist. I have an engineering license and didn’t have to do anything to earn it. I have no friends because I’m smarter than everyone else. I spent a month at work seeing how little I could do and not get fired. (Come to find out, he does that every month.) Obviously this “genius” didn’t word it like this, but this is what it boiled down to. I’m smart and no one else knows what they’re talking about. I watch PBS for news because it’s “unbiased”. (Hello, GOVERNMENT funded!)
Their oldest son had a birthday and they were taking their family out to dinner and had invited mine. My husband was working that night and I really didn’t want to go with out him. Plus it meant I would need them to pick me up because I don’t drive. I ended up going with my kids, because I really did want to be there to help celebrate. At the end of the evening I had taken my girls and their daughter to the restroom. They had insisted on paying for everyone. So I left a nice tip for the pregnant waitress. I come back out and the husband had taken the tip off the table and made me take it back! That was not his to touch! I was dumbfounded and didn’t even know what to say. Basically he thought it made him look bad because, I guess percentage, wise I had given more than him. I don’t care about percentage when I tip; I care about service and how kind the waiter or waitress is. Plus she was pregnant. I am mad at myself for not making sure she got my tip anyway. If my husband had been with me there is no way he would have tried that crap. I always seem to get a different side of people’s personalities when my husband is gone because the abusive ones think they can bully me.
We went back to their house for birthday cake. The husband and I started discussing many different things. Sometimes when I’m not in the mood to argue with people I’ve taken to saying “I understand.” I understood perfectly his point of view. I not only disagreed I think he’s nuts on some of it. He took my comments of “I understand” to mean “I agree”. People often do that. He thought he had convinced me he was right on the topics we discussed. Oh, and I had warned him in this conversation, I burn bridges when I end friendships.
In the cycle of physical abuse the bully hits and hurts their prey they will say they are sorry and promise never to do it again. The prey believes it and the cycle continues and gets a little bit worse every time.
In the cycle of emotional abuse the bully manipulates their prey to get them to do what they want. Whether it is cleaning the house or holding the primary income job, just so long as it allows them to be as lazy as they want. They will continue to manipulate their prey until the prey hits a breaking point and they can’t take it anymore, but they don’t know it. It looks like nothing more than a tantrum from a spoiled brat who has everything. On the surface it looks like there is no logical reason for them to lash out like that. The prey then feels guilty, especially if they have gotten something out of it such as time alone like they had been asking for or a new car. And they come groveling back and apologizing to their abuser. “I’m sorry; I won’t act like that again.” This is because the prey has been beaten up so badly on the inside they don’t know how to care about themselves so they go to their abuser for love of any kind. And the cycle continues.
Personally, after being through this and breaking free of it I would have preferred being beaten. When you’re physically beaten there is proof that the bully is doing something bad. When the bully is emotionally abusing their prey it’s hidden. If the prey goes to any one else for help or advice (especially with the socialism and progressive crap in society) they sound like they are the mean ones in the situation and are told to return to the abuser to make things right.
So the behaviors and the problems my husband I have witnessed are the outcome of the husband using his wife, his mother, and his sister to get what he wants out of life. Evidently he had thought we were to be added to his collection. I think not.
Families like this ruin it for the rest of us. Every time we go out to eat we get dirty looks at first because the patrons at the restaurant fear that our children will act like those that run around and do what ever they want. “Moms” like this ruin the name Stay-at-home-mom, because in reality they are running their kids to all these classes so they don’t have to spend time with them. Families like these are a result of the progressives teaching students in school to feel good about themselves. Those students then grow up to be parents who think what they want to make themselves “feel” good is the most important thing and that they can do no wrong. Families like this are part of the reason our country is falling apart, I will not take part in it. I will not help enable this to continue. I will not play along in the lie society has placed on itself because no one wants to be the “bad guy” or “meanie”. This is a reality that needs to be faced and people need to take a stand and say “I will not accept it.” As Benjamin Franklin said “We should make the poor uncomfortable and kick them out of poverty”. We should make the selfish and immature uncomfortable so maybe they will grow up! Don’t let these people throw tantrums so they can have what they want. Embarrass them in public when they don’t discipline their children. Let them know how you feel. They will yell at you. They will call you names. But isn’t the media doing that to people anyway? Can these types of people really say anything meaner to us than what we’ve already been called? This is the only way we stand a chance against the bullies the schools and media have made.
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